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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.
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- Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
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- Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.
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- picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.
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- Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.
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- Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
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- Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.
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- Noise: a stench in the ear.
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- HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
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- Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.
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- BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
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- MONSIGNOR- A high ecclesiastical title, of which the Founder of our religion overlooked the advantages.
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- MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.
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- Work: a dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.
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- Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.
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- ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Musca maledicta"). The father of Zoology was Aristotle, as is universally conceded, but the name of its mother has not come down to us.
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- PASTIME, n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.
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- Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.
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- NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.
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- UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.
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