Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Nature Quotes, Science Quotes

MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Nature Quotes , Science Quotes

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Planning Quotes

TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hands Quotes , Careers Quotes

OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Ostriches Quotes , Wings Quotes

BRAIN, n. An apparatus with which we think that we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth, or one who has been pitchforked into high station, has commonly such a headful of brain that his neighbors cannot keep their hats on. In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, brain is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Science Quotes , Men Quotes

Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Time Quotes

A single swallow, it is said, devours ten millions of insects every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His creatures.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , God Quotes , Years Quotes

Christians and camels receive their burdens kneeling.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Christian Quotes , Camels Quotes

There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Would Be Quotes , Telephones Quotes

UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wife Quotes

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Demand Quotes , Answers Quotes

FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Science Quotes

DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Baptism Quotes , World Quotes

LAP, n. One of the most important organs of the female system - an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy, but chiefly useful in rural festivities to support plates of cold chicken and heads of adult males.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Nature Quotes , Support Quotes

LANGUAGE, n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Music Quotes , Guarding Quotes

DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Discrimination Quotes , Notes Quotes

Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , House Quotes , Passing Away Quotes

SCRAP-BOOK, n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Book Quotes , Fool Quotes

CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Knowledge Quotes , Men Quotes

LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Tears Quotes