Hector Hugh Munro Quotes, Hate Quotes, Lasts Quotes

I hate posterity - it's so fond of having the last word.

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Women and elephants never forget an injury.

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By insisting on having your bottle pointing to the north when the cork is being drawn, and calling the waiter Max, you may induce an impression on your guests which hours of laboured boasting might be powerless to achieve. For this purpose, however, the guests must be chosen as carefully as the wine.

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In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse.

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Once a female, always a female. Nature is not always infallible but she always abides by her mistakes.

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He spends his life explaining from his pulpit that the glory of Christianity consists in the fact that though it is not true it has been found necessary to invent it.

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Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.

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A relative of mine ... spends his time producing improved breeds of sheep and pigs and chickens. So patronising and irritating to teh Almighty, I should think.

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Sherard Blaw, the dramatist who had discovered himself, and who had given so ungrudgingly of his discovery to the world.

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Think how many blameless lives are brightened by the blazing indiscretions of other people.

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Hating anything in the way of ill-natured gossip ourselves, we are always grateful to those who do it for us and do it well.

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The people of Crete unfortunately make more history than they can consume locally.

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Oysters are more beautiful than any religion... There's nothing in Christianity or Buddhism that quite matches the sympathetic unselfishness of an oyster.

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We all know that Prime Ministers are wedded to the truth, but like other wedded couples they sometimes live apart.

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People may say what they like about the decay of Christianity the religious system that produced green Chartreuse can never really die.

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A beautifully constructed borshch, such as you are going to experience presently, ought not only to banish conversation but almost to annihilate thought.

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The cat of the slums and alleys, starved, outcast, harried, still keeps amid the prowlings of its adversity the bold, free, panther-tread with which it paced of yore the temple courts of Thebes, still displays the self-reliant watchfulness which man has never taught it to lay aside.

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Find yourself a cup; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things.

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The revenge of an elder sister may be long in coming, but, like a South-Eastern express, it arrives in its own good time.

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It occurred to me that I would like to be a poet. The chief qualification, I understand is that you must be born. Well, I hunted up my birth certificate, and found that I was all right on that score.

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