Adam Carolla Quotes, Air Quotes, Stories Quotes

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

6 years ago

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I am semi-ambivalent about being on camera - sort of low-key. I don't like being on camera stuff that much. I like radio and live performing stuff. I don't like the television stuff as much. Some people do. It takes a certain breed of cat. There is a ton of pressure and you need to read cue cards. I am not a good cue card reader. Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cat Quotes , People Quotes

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Basketball Quotes

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

6 years ago

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What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Hands Quotes , Common Sense Quotes

In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money… and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Nice Quotes , Dirty Quotes

I get depressed at airports.

6 years ago

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It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

6 years ago

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You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Accomplishment Quotes , Feel Good Quotes

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Bed Quotes , Stuff Quotes

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

6 years ago

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I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Years Quotes , Age Quotes

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Kings Quotes

If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , People Quotes , Hollywood Quotes

I saw a commercial for the maxi pads for the bigger gals they're making now. That was a nice visual while I was eating.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

Then there's the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I'd be, a sweatpants lesbian.

6 years ago

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Mmm, tastes like hepatitis!

6 years ago

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I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

6 years ago

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I'm a comedian, not a politician.

6 years ago

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I am not a good cue card reader.

6 years ago

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Tags : Adam Carolla Quotes , Cards Quotes