Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Lying Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Distance Quotes , Believe Quotes

If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Home Quotes , Cutting Quotes

The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

5 years ago

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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

5 years ago

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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

5 years ago

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes