Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

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I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

5 years ago

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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Home Quotes , Cutting Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

5 years ago

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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Beautiful Quotes

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

5 years ago

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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Distance Quotes , Believe Quotes

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

5 years ago

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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

5 years ago

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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

5 years ago

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Father Quotes