Mark Twain Quotes, Children Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sea Quotes , People Quotes

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Science Quotes

There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Calling Quotes

In the laboratory there are no fustian ranks, no brummagem aristocracies; the domain of Science is a republic, and all its citizens are brothers and equals, its princes of Monaco and its stonemasons of Cromarty meeting, barren of man-made gauds and meretricious decorations, upon the one majestic level!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Science Quotes

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spring Quotes , Weather Quotes

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Writing Quotes

Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Heaven Quotes

The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wine Quotes , Labels Quotes

Right is right, and wrong is wrong, and a body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ignorant Quotes , Body Quotes

Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Evil Quotes , Half Quotes

It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Bears Quotes

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Beer Quotes

But the people cannot have wells, and so they take rain-water. Neither can they conveniently have cellars or graves, the town being built upon "made ground"; so they do without both, and few of the living complain, and none of the others.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rain Quotes , New Orleans Quotes

In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Support Quotes , Age Quotes

One must travel, to learn.

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The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , Skeletons Quotes

Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Brother Quotes , Eight Quotes

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Men Quotes

How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Editors Quotes