Mark Twain Quotes, Coffee Quotes, Average Quotes

The average American's simplest and commonest form of breakfast consists of coffee and beefsteak.

6 years ago

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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.

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There is more real pleasure to be gotten out of a malicious act, where your heart is in it, than out of thirty acts of a nobler sort.

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The proverb says, "Born lucky, always lucky," and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.

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Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bible Quotes , Girl Quotes

Well - Patriotism has its laws. And it also is a perfectly definite one, there are not vaguenesses about it. It commands that the brother over the border shall be sharply watched and brought to book every time he does us a hurt or offends us with an insult.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Brother Quotes

Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hands Quotes , Luck Quotes

I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is "hogwash"

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Land Quotes , Names Quotes

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

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The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close.

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I admire him, I frankly confess it; and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Rope Quotes

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

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None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.

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If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Ideas Quotes

The idea that no gentleman ever swears is all wrong. He can swear and still be a gentleman if he does it in a nice and benevolent and affectionate way.

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When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Numbers Quotes , People Quotes

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Political Quotes

You perceive, now, that these things are all impossible except in a dream. You perceive that they are pure and puerile insanities, the silly creations of an imagination that is not conscious of its freaks - in a word, that they are a dream, and you the maker of it. The dream-marks are all present; you should have recognized them earlier.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Silly Quotes