Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

when you recollect something which belonged in an earlier chapter, do not go back, but jam it in where you are . Discursiveness does not hurt an autobiography in the least.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Doe Quotes

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

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It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.

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Genius, like gold and precious stones, is chiefly prized because of its rarity.

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It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mistake Quotes , People Quotes

Surely the test of a novel's characters is that you feel a strong interest in them and their affairs the good to be successful, the bad to suffer failure. Well, in John Ward, you feel no divided interest, no discriminating interest you want them all to land in hell together, and right away.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Strong Quotes , Character Quotes

Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Garden Quotes

A sound heart is a surer guide than an ill-trained conscience.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Sound Quotes

But the people cannot have wells, and so they take rain-water. Neither can they conveniently have cellars or graves, the town being built upon "made ground"; so they do without both, and few of the living complain, and none of the others.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rain Quotes , New Orleans Quotes

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Spring Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Glasses Quotes , Ideas Quotes

I am not an American. I am the American.

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No temperance society which is well officered and which has the real good of our fellow-men in view, will ever get drunk save in the seclusion of its temperance hall.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Drinking Quotes

We do not get ice-cream every where, and so, when we do, we are apt to dissipate to excess.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ice Cream Quotes , Ice Quotes

To be satisfied with what one has; that is wealth. As long as one sorely needs a certain additional amount, that man isn't rich.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Long Quotes

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant; it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Government Quotes , Order Quotes

The spirit of wrath - not the words - is the sin; and the spirit of wrath is cursing. We begin to swear before we can talk.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wrath Quotes , Spirit Quotes

Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience; multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Atheism Quotes