Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Motivational Quotes

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Motivational Quotes

There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Character Quotes

In America-as elsewhere-free speech is confined to the dead.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , America Quotes

The signs of excessive indulgence in this destructive pastime are easily detectable. They are these: A disposition to eat, to drink, to smoke, to meet together convivially, to laugh, to joke, and tell indelicate stories— and mainly, a yearning to paint pictures.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Together Quotes

Humor is tragedy plus time.

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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Wish Quotes

We love old travelers: we love to hear them prate, drivel and lie; we love them for their asinine vanity, their ability to bore, their luxuriant fertility of imagination, their startling, brilliant, overwhelming mendacity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Lying Quotes

[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery; it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jugs Quotes , Dutch Quotes

The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book- a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, for it had a new story to tell every day.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Voice Quotes

I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects werefor, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Stars Quotes , Science Quotes

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Waiting Quotes

What do we call love, hate, charity, revenge, humanity, forgiveness? Different results of the master impulse, the necessity of securing one's self-approval.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Life Quotes

Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Approval Of Others Quotes , Self Quotes

The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes , Literature Quotes

I've come loaded with statistics, for I've noticed that a man can't prove anything without statistics. No man can.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Science Quotes , Men Quotes

Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval - a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Running Quotes

I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Buffets Quotes

My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Business Quotes , Example Quotes