Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

To do right is wonderful. To teach others to do right is even more wonderful--and much easier.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wonderful Quotes , Easier Quotes

Progressive improvement beats delayed perfection.

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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Vapor Quotes

Constellations have always been troublesome things to name. If you give one of them a fanciful name, it will always refuse to live up to it; it will always persist in not resembling the thing it has been named for.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Names Quotes , Giving Quotes

Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.

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When angry, count to a hundred.

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We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clothes Quotes

You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a shed, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval - a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Running Quotes

If I can capture truth in its simplest form, beauty will follow like a sledgehammer.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Form Quotes , Capture Quotes

And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cute Quotes , Rags Quotes

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Doctors Quotes

More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father; He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.

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Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

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The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Knowledge Quotes , People Quotes

In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fishing Quotes , Reason Quotes

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

But they (the infantry) had no use for boys of twelve and thirteen, and before I had a chance in another war, the desire to kill people to whom I had not been introduced had passed away.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Boys Quotes