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  • Mark Twain Quotes   2407
  • The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes
  • I don't speak German well but several experts have assured me that I write it like an angel. Maybe so, maybe so- I don't know. I've not yet made any acquaintances among the angels. That comes later, whenever it please the Deity. I'm not in any hurry.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Angel Quotes
  • Missionarying was a better thing in those days than it is in ours. All you had to do was to cure the head savage´s sick daughter by a miracle- a miracle like the miracle of Lourdes in our day, for instance- and immediately that head savage was your convert, and filled to the eyes with a new convert´s enthusiasm. You could sit down and make yourself easy now. He would take the ax and convert the rest of the nation himself.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Daughter Quotes , Eye Quotes
  • The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, "Where is the best place to go to?" He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes
  • Whenever he was out of luck and a little down-hearted, he would fall to mourning over the loss of a wonderful cat he used to own (for where women and children are not, men of kindly impulses take up with pets, for they must love something)
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Fall Quotes
  • Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession of Siamese Twins, the whole evolved by natural and orderly processes from one microscopic parent germ.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Science Quotes
  • Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.
    • 6 years ago



    Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes