Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Adam was not alone in the Garden of Eden, however, and does not deserve all the credit; much is due to Eve, the first woman, and Satan, the first consultant.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Garden Quotes

Human pride is not worthwhile; there is always something lying in wait to take the wind out of it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Pride Quotes

I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Born Quotes , Spots Quotes

I'm all for prosperity. It's change I object to.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Prosperity Quotes

In this age of inventive wonders all men have come to believe that in some genius' brain sleeps the solution of the grand problem of aerial navigation-and along with that belief is the hope that that genius will reveal his miracle before they die, and likewise a dread that he will poke off somewhere and die himself before he finds out that he has such a wonder lying dormant in his brain. We all know the air can be navigated-therefore, hurry up your sails and bladders-satisfy us-let us have peace.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Believe Quotes

It's awful undermining to the intellect, German is; you want to take it in small doses, or first you know your brains all run together, and you feel them flapping around in your head same as so much drawn butter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Running Quotes , German Language Quotes

There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Business Quotes , Light Quotes

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

When an audience does not complain, it is a compliment, and when it does, it is a compliment, too, if unaccompanied by violence.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doe Quotes , Complaining Quotes

Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Art Quotes , Book Quotes

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Life Quotes

When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Fire Quotes , Order Quotes

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Memories Quotes , Giving Quotes

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Money Quotes , Virtue Quotes

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wisdom Quotes , Book Quotes

People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Reading Quotes

I can understand German as well as the maniac that invented it, but I talk it best through an interpreter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Language Quotes , Wells Quotes

We have to be despised by somebody whom we regard as above us, or we are not happy; we have to have somebody to worship and envy,or we cannot be content. In America we manifest this in all the ancient and customary ways. In public we scoff at titles and hereditary privilege, but privately we hanker after them, and when we get a chance we buy them for cash and a daughter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Daughter Quotes , America Quotes

Memories which someday will become all beautiful when the last annoyance that encumbers them shall have faded out of our minds.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Beautiful Quotes , Memories Quotes