Mark Twain Quotes, Laughter Quotes, Humor Quotes

English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Humor Quotes

When in doubt, tell the truth. That maxim I did invent, but never expected it to be applied to me. I did say, "When you are in doubt," but when I am in doubt myself I use more sagacity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Doubt Quotes

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle winds have upon Gibraltar.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wind Quotes , Iron Quotes

Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Eccentric Quotes , Virtue Quotes

Whatever you have lived, you can write & by hard work & a genuine apprenticeship, you can learn to write well; but what you have not lived you cannot write, you can only pretend to write it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hard Work Quotes , Writing Quotes

If you have no will to change it, you have no right to criticize it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Criticism Quotes , Criticize Quotes

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Believe Quotes

I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cat Quotes , Men Quotes

The blunting effects of slavery upon the slaveholder's moral perceptions are known and conceded the world over; and a priveleged class, an aristocracy, is but a band of slaveholders under another name.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Class Quotes , Names Quotes

If ever you've been down in the dumps, hear these iconic authors share with you more than their writing wisdom.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Share Quotes

A man who is not born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time of it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He has no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has some people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality, and he trusts he can plunge those people into those incidents with interesting results.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Men Quotes

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Race Quotes , Body Quotes

It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Forever Quotes

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mouths Quotes , Reputation Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Time Quotes

It is poison - rank poison - to knuckle down to care and hardships. They must come to us all, albeit in different shapes, and we may not escape them. It is not possible. But we may swindle them out of half of their puissance with a stiff upper lip.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Care Quotes , Shapes Quotes

We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clothes Quotes

Blasphemy? No, it is not blashphemy. If God is as vast as that, he is above blasphemy; if he is as little as that, He is beneath it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Religion Quotes

All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Use Quotes

What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Change Quotes , Men Quotes