Mark Twain Quotes, Doubt Quotes, Watches Quotes

If a person offends you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance, and hit him with a brick.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Watches Quotes

The old man laughed loud and joyously, shook up the details of his anatomy from head to foot, and ended by saying that such a laugh was money in a man's pocket, because it cut down the doctor's bills like everything.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughter Quotes , Cutting Quotes

It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know this thing, I abide barren of the knowledge.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Needs Quotes , Emergencies Quotes

We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blesses facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Change Quotes , Prejudice Quotes

Laws control the lesser man... Right conduct controls the greater one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Integrity Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Christian Quotes

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivational Quotes , Meaningful Quotes

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Biblical Quotes

Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Age Quotes , Gone Quotes

We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. And out of it we get an aggregation which we consider a boon. Its name is public opinion. It is held in reverence. Some think it the voice of God.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mistake Quotes , Thinking Quotes

One of my theories is that the hearts of men are about alike, no matter what their skin color.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Men Quotes

Crowds stand around all day long and criticise that bridge, and find fault with it, and tell with unlimited frankness how it ought to have been planned, and how they would have built it had the city granted them the $14,000 it cost. It is really refreshing to hang around these and listen to them. A foreigner would come to the conclusion that all America was composed of inspired professional bridge builders.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bridges Quotes , Cities Quotes

I speak French with timidity, and not flowingly--except when excited. When using that language I have often noticed that I have hardly ever been mistaken for a Frenchman, except, perhaps, by horses; never, I believe, by people.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Horse Quotes , Believe Quotes

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

A German joke is no laughing matter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Laughing Quotes , Matter Quotes

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Age Quotes

There is no accounting for human beings.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humans Quotes , Accounting Quotes

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Senior Quotes

In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, in the Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million three hundred thousand miles long, seven hundred and forty-two years from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters long. There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Years Quotes , Two Quotes