Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose; sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Waiting Quotes , Purpose Quotes

Yes - en I's rich now, come to look at it. I owns myself, en I's wuth eight hund'd dollars. I wisht I had de money, I wouldn' want no mo'.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Eight Quotes , Want Quotes

isn't so astonishing, the number of things that I can remember, as the number of things I can remember that aren't so.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Numbers Quotes , Remember Quotes

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Gratitude Quotes , Debt Quotes

I find no change of consequence in grown people, I do not miss the dead. It does not surprise me to hear that this friend or that friend died at such and such a time, because I fully expected that sort of news. But somehow I had made no calculation on the infants. It never occurred to me that infants grow up...These unexpected changes, from infancy to youth, and from youth to maturity, are by far the most startling things I meet with.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Growing Up Quotes , Maturity Quotes

Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.

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Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Broken Heart Quotes

To be vested with enormous authority is a fine thing; but to have the on-looking world consent to it is finer.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , World Quotes , Authority Quotes

Courage is not the lack of fear. It is acting in spite of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , Insanity Quotes

How lovely is death; and how niggardly it is doled out.

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When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Deceiving Others Quotes , People Quotes

God has put something noble and good into every heart His hand created.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Hands Quotes

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Respectful Quotes , Be Respectful Quotes

The convention missionaries call "modesty" has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Modesty Quotes , Reason Quotes

In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.

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In German, a young lady has no sex, but a turnip has

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sex Quotes , Young Quotes

That's just the way: a person does a low-down thing, and then he don't want to take no consequences of it. Thinks as long as he can hide it, it ain't no disgrace.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Long Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes