Mark Twain Quotes, Humor Quotes, Fragrance Quotes

Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Fragrance Quotes

I haven't any right to criticize books, and I don't do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can't conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , Book Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Girl Quotes , School Quotes

Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dresses Quotes , Half Quotes

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Money Quotes

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Friendly Quotes

Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Heaven Quotes

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Insanity Quotes , Crazy People Quotes

Out of the public schools comes the greatness of the nation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , School Quotes

Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain't that a big enough majority in any town?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Wherein lies a poet's claim to originality? That he invents his incidents? No. That he was present when his episodes had their birth? No. That he was first to repeat them? No. None of these things has any value. He confers on them their only originality that has any value, and that is his way of telling them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Way Quotes

There is only one good sex. The female one.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sex Quotes , Good Sex Quotes

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Integrity Quotes , Opportunity Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Knights Quotes

Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Prosperity Quotes