Mark Twain Quotes, Inspirational Quotes, Funny Quotes

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.

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I take my only exercise acting as a pallbearer at the funerals of my friends who exercise regularly.

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Both marriage and death ought to be welcome: the one promises happiness, doubtless the other assures it.

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Make your mark in New York and you are a made man.

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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.

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Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.

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When you catch an adjective, kill it - perhaps the best possible advice for budding writers.

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Information appears to stew out of me naturally, like the precious otter of roses out of the otter.

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My brother had just been appointed Secretary of Nevada Territory--an office of such majesty that it concentrated in itself the duties and dignities of Treasurer, Comptroller, Secretary of State, and Acting Governor in the Governor's absence. A salary of eighteen hundred dollars a year and the title of "Mr. Secretary," gave to the great position an air of wild and imposing grandeur. I was young and ignorant, and I envied my brother.

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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.

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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.

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So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Men Quotes

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

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But old fools is the biggest fools there is.

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When I take up one of Jane Austen's books ... I feel like a barkeep entering the kingdom of heaven. I know what his sensation would be and his private comments. He would not find the place to his taste, and he would probably say so.

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Methuselah lived to be 969 years old . You boys and girls will see more in the next fifty years than Methuselah saw in his whole lifetime.

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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

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Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

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The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

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