Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Clever Quotes

What a man misses mostly in heaven is company.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Clever Quotes

Was it my conspicuousness that distressed me? Not at all. It was merely that I was not beautifully conspicuous but uglily conspicuous - it makes all the difference in the world.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Differences Quotes , World Quotes

A proud man is one who waits for a vacancy in the Trinity.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Waiting Quotes

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Appreciated Quotes

The time to begin writing an article is when you have finished it to your satisfaction. By that time you begin to clearly and logically perceive what it is you really want to say.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Want Quotes

The Mississippi River will always have its own way; no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Engineering Quotes , Skills Quotes

The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Rich Quotes

Look at you in war...There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Peace Quotes , War Quotes

It is not like studying German, where you mull along, in a groping, uncertain way, for thirty years; and at last, just as you think you've got it, they spring the subjunctive on you, and there you are. No- and I see now plainly enough, that the great pity about the German language is, that you can't fall off it and hurt yourself. There is nothing like that feature to make you attend strictly to business.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hurt Quotes , Spring Quotes

[Do you worry unnecessarily about the future? Remember most fears are just False Evidence Appearing Real. Don't let unfounded fears rob you of the joys of life or you too will say...] There has been much tragedy in my life; [and] at least half of it actually happened.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Worry Quotes

Denial is much more then an Egyptian River.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Rivers Quotes , Denial Quotes

The machine has several virtues... One may lean back in his chair and work it. It piles an awful stack of words on one page. It don't muss things or scatter ink blots around.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ink Quotes , Machines Quotes

I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Blow Quotes

I hate to hear people say this Judge will vote so and so, because he is a Democrat -- and this one so and so because he is a Republican. It is shameful. The Judges have the Constitution for their guidance; they have no right to any politics save the politics of rigid right and justice when they are sitting in judgment upon the great matters that come before them.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , People Quotes

A little lie can travel half way 'round the world while Truth is still lacing up her boots.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Boots Quotes

Persons who think there is no such thing as luck good or bad are entitled to their opinion, although I think they ought to be shot for it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Luck Quotes

His head was an hour-glass; it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Glasses Quotes , Ideas Quotes

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Writing Quotes

What a man sees in the human race is merely himself in the deep and honest privacy of his own heart. Byron despised the race because he despised himself. I feel as Byron did, and for the same reason.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Men Quotes

I shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , House Quotes , Taxes Quotes