Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.

6 years ago

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Explaining humor is a lot like dissecting a frog, you learn a lot in the process, but in the end you kill it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Frogs Quotes , Ends Quotes

People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either being made.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , People Quotes

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Age Quotes , Genius Quotes

A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditch digging.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Digging Quotes , World Quotes

An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I've dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half... I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop.... I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn't do it for fifteen.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Humble Quotes

In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , German Language Quotes , Awful Quotes

It was not that Adam ate the apple for the apple's sake, but because it was forbidden. It would have been better for us-oh infinitely better for us-if the serpent had been forbidden

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Apples Quotes

The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Reality Quotes , Anticipation Quotes

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Sleep Quotes

My faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Growing Up Quotes

I do see that there is an argument against suicide: the grief of the worshipers left behind, the awful famine in their hearts, these are too costly terms for the release.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Suicide Quotes , Grief Quotes

There is no humor in heaven.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes

Ah, that shows you the power of music, that magician of magician, who lifts his wand and says his mysterious word and all things real pass away and the phantoms of your mind walk before you clothed in flesh.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Mind Quotes

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Parenting Quotes , Parent Quotes

If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Long Quotes , Frogs Quotes

It is so unsatisfactory to read a noble passage and have no one you love at hand to share the happiness with you. And it is unsatisfactory to read to one's self anyhow - for the uttered voice so heightens the expression.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Quotes , Expression Quotes

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes