Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes , Lips Quotes

Enthusiasm is caught, not taught.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Leadership Quotes , Enthusiasm Quotes

Never miss an opportunity to shut up.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Communication Quotes , Opportunity Quotes

Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Knowledge Quotes , Knows Quotes

If there is one thing that will make a man peculiarly and insufferable self-conceited, it is to have his stomach behave itself, the first day at sea, when nearly all his comrades are seasick.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Conceited Quotes

It is better to give than receive- especially advice.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Giving Quotes

It is believed by everyone that when he was in heaven he was stern, hard, resentful, jealous and cruel, but that when he came down to earth, he became the opposite... sweet, gentle merciful, forgiving. He was a thousand billion times crueler than ever he was in the Old Testament... Meek and gentle? By and by we will examine that popular sarcasm by the light of the hell which he invented.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sweet Quotes , Jealous Quotes

A better idea than my own is to listen.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes

It is easier to stay out than get out.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Achievement Quotes

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Change is the handmaiden Nature requires to do her miracles with.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Nature Quotes

The inability to forget is far more devastating than the inability to remember.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humor Quotes , Deep Thought Quotes

My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess; second, don't drink - to excess; third, don't marry - to excess.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Marriage Quotes , Girl Quotes

If we were meant to talk more than listen, we would have two mouths and one ear.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Motivational Quotes , Educational Quotes

There isn't a Parallel of Latitude but thinks it would have been the Equator if it had had its rights.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Rights Quotes

Humor is tragedy plus time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Tragedy Quotes

We take a natural interest in novelties, but it is against nature to take an interest in familiar things.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Garden Quotes , Novelty Quotes

The devil's aversion to holy water is a light matter compared with a despots dread of a newspaper that laughs.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Light Quotes , Water Quotes

We had a sunset of a very fine sort. The vast plain of the sea was marked off in bands of sharply-contrasted colors: great stretches of dark blue, others of purple, others of polished bronze; the billowy mountains showed all sorts of dainty browns and greens, blues and purples and blacks, and the rounded velvety backs of certain of them made one want to stroke them, as one would the sleek back of a cat.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Stars Quotes , Sunset Quotes