Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Home Quotes

Baccarat is a game whereby the croupier gathers in money with a flexible sculling oar, then rakes it home. If I could have borrowed his oar I would have stayed.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Home Quotes

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Deceit Quotes

But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Believe Quotes

The moral sense enables one to perceive morality, and avoid it. The immoral sense enables one to perceive immorality and enjoy it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ethics Quotes , Morality Quotes

Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.

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Where prejudice exists it always discolors our thoughts.

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The truth hurts, but silence kills.

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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Birthday Quotes

Cold! If the thermometer had been an inch longer we'd all have frozen to death!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Frozen Quotes , Cold Quotes

If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Honesty Quotes

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Clever Quotes , Law Quotes

When there was room on the ledge outside of the pots and boxes for a cat, the cat was there- in sunny weather- stretched at full length, asleep and blissful, with her furry belly to the sun and a paw curved over her nose.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cat Quotes , Sunny Weather Quotes

We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Freedom Quotes , Heart Quotes

When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Teaching Quotes

We have to be despised by somebody whom we regard as above us, or we are not happy; we have to have somebody to worship and envy,or we cannot be content. In America we manifest this in all the ancient and customary ways. In public we scoff at titles and hereditary privilege, but privately we hanker after them, and when we get a chance we buy them for cash and a daughter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Daughter Quotes , America Quotes

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Wisdom Quotes

All scenery in California requires distance to give it its highest charm.

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If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Swimming Quotes

[N]o country can be well governed unless its citizens as a body keep religiously before their minds that they are the guardians of the law and that the law officers are only the machinery for its execution, nothing more.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Government Quotes

I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humanity Quotes , Tragedy Quotes