Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The proverb says that Providence protects children and idiots. This is really true. I know because I have tested it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Idiot Quotes

Moralists and philosophers have adjudged those who throw temptation in the way of the erring, equally guilty with those who are thereby led into evil

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Evil Quotes , Temptation Quotes

You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it; and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Joy Quotes , Looks Quotes

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes

If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Leadership Quotes , Writing Quotes

A railroad is like a lie you have to keep building it to make it stand.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lying Quotes , Cowboy Quotes

A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , People Quotes , Mad Quotes

Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Doubt Quotes , Reputation Quotes

I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Reading Quotes

Note that venerable proverb: Children and fools always speak the truth. The deduction is plain: adults and wise persons never speak it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wise Quotes , Children Quotes

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes , Literature Quotes

You can't reason someone out of something that they weren't reasoned into in the first place.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Firsts Quotes

Each nation knowing it has the only true religion and the only sane system of government, each despising all the others, each an ass and not suspecting it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Government Quotes , Knowing Quotes

A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Zero Quotes , Hard Work Quotes

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Taken Quotes , Sleep Quotes

I thoroughly believe that any man who's got anything worthwhile to say will be heard if he only says it often enough.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Men Quotes

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle winds have upon Gibraltar.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wind Quotes , Iron Quotes

I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pride Quotes , Thinking Quotes