Oscar Wilde Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.

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The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

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Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary.

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Perhaps, after all, America never has been discovered. I myself would say that it had merely been detected.

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I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I have witnessed and greatly enjoyed the first act of everything which Wagner created, but the effect on me has always been so powerful that one act was quite sufficient; whenever I have witnessed two acts I have gone away physically exhausted; and whenever I have ventured an entire opera the result has been the next thing to suicide.

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What is the use of straining after an amiable view of things, when a cynical view is most likely to be the true one?.

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The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

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Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

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Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

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diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

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Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

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If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

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His ignorance is encyclopedic.

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Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

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Men have to do some awfully mean things to keep up their respectability.

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A brain of feathers, and a heart of lead.

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Patriotism is the virtue of the vicious.

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EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

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I never play cricket. It requires one to assume such indecent postures.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes