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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.
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- Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
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- ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.
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- VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.
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- Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
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- EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom.
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- TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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- OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer . . .
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- Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.
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- Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
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- PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.
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- renown, n. A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame - a little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable than the other. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and inconsiderate hand.
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- PENITENT, adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.
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- REPARTEE, n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence, but a strong disposition to offend. In a war of words, the tactics of the North American Indian.
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- Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.
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- me, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.
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- CANNON, n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.
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- When prosperous the fool trembles for the evil that is to come; in adversity the philosopher smiles for the good that he has had.
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- SEINE, n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse, but women are more easily taken with a singularly delicate fabric weighted with small, cut stones.
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- PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.
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