Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Desire Quotes, Weight Quotes

REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.

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MEDICINE, n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

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FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

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HYENA, n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Night Quotes , Doe Quotes

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Atheism Quotes , Invisible Quotes

PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.

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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

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Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience.

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ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

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POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

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HARMONISTS, n. A sect of Protestants, now extinct, who came from Europe in the beginning of the last century and were distinguished for the bitterness of their internal controversies and dissensions.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Europe Quotes , Lasts Quotes

Conversation: A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.

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Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

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TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

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TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

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OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.

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Self-denial is indulgence of a propensity to forego.

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