Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Life Quotes, Death Quotes

ORPHAN, n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude . . .

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The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.

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For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.

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The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.

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LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper . . . the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species.

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HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

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Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

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We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

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Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.

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FEMALE, n. One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.

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Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

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RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

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QUORUM, n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the U.S. Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House.

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ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

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Empty wine bottles have a bad opinion of women.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.

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MATERIAL, adj. Having an actual existence, as distinguished from an imaginary one. Important.

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We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights; that among these are life, and the right to make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty, particularly the liberty to introduce persons to one another without first ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of strangers.

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Aristocrats: n. fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts - guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

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DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

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