Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Voice Quotes, Ears Quotes

ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.

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DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.

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A revolution is a violent change of mismanagement.

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ETHNOLOGY, n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man, as robbers, thieves, swindlers, dunces, lunatics, idiots and ethnologists.

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moral, adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right. Having the quality of general expediency.

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When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

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RITUALISM, n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom, keeping off the grass.

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Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court, acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral.

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RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

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applause, n. The echo of a platitude.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

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Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

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LEAD, n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used ... as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

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MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.

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LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election".

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EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.

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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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The palmist looks at the wrinkles made by closing the hand and says they signify character. The philosopher reads character by what the hand most loves to close upon.

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Impartial - unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy.

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