Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Laughing Quotes, Matter Quotes

To be comic is merely to be playful, but wit is a serious matter. To laugh at it is to confess that you do not understand.

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DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.

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DECIDE, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

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WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.

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ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

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ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith, though Horizontalists hold that the posture of the body was immaterial.

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OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

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HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

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The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

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IMMORAL, adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Running Quotes , Men Quotes

The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity.

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IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

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MISDEMEANOR, n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

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It is evident that skepticism, while it makes no actual change in man, always makes him feel better.

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Habit: A shackle for the free.

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Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- "I think that I think, therefore I think that I am;" as close an approach to certainty as any philosopher has yet made.

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PAST, n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance... The Past is the Future of yesterday, the Future is the Past of to-morrow. They are one - the knowledge and the dream.

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The wife, or bitter half.

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MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

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Money. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it.

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