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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Christian Quotes , Religion Quotes
- NOTORIETY, n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage, with angels ascending and descending.
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- RIMER, n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.
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- GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin of the fusion managers.
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- The circus a place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.
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- diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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- DEINOTHERIUM, n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland, its name being pronounced Terry Dactyl or Peter O'Dactyl, as the man pronouncing it may chance to have heard it spoken or seen it printed.
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- Truth is so good a thing that falsehood can not afford to be without it.
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- EAT, v.i. To perform successively (and successfully) the functions of mastication, humectation, and deglutition.
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- A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.
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- The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mean Quotes , Pride Quotes
- PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.
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- IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.
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- STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue.
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- INDISCRETION, n. The guilt of woman.
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- NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.
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- INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.
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- Age, with his eyes in the back of his head, thinks it wisdom to see the bogs through which he has floundered.
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- FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.
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- GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.
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