Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Religion Quotes, Atheism Quotes

Irreligion - the principal one of the great faiths of the world.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Religion Quotes , Atheism Quotes

Death is a dignitary who when he comes announced is received with formal manifestations of respect, even by those most familiar with him. In the code of military etiquette silence and fixity are forms of deference

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Military Quotes , Silence Quotes

An army's bravest men are its cowards. The death which they would not meet at the hands of the enemy they will meet at the hands of their officers, with never a flinching.

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ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

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Happiness is lost by criticizing it; sorrow by accepting it.

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When in Rome, do as Rome does.

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Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The liver is heaven's best gift to the goose; without it that bird would be unable to supply us with the Strasbourg "pate".

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SYLLOGISM, n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent.

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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

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Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Cooking Quotes

Botany, n. The science of vegetables - those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-smelling.

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MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.

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EXHORT, v.t. In religious affairs, to put the conscience of another upon the spit and roast it to a nut-brown discomfort.

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In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

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Worms'-Meat, n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal, the Tombeau Napoleon and the Granitarium. Worms'-meat is usually outlasted by the structure that houses it, but "this too must pass away." Probably the silliest work in which a human being can engage is construction of a tomb for himself. The solemn purpose cannot dignify, but only accentuates by contrast the foreknown futility.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , House Quotes , Passing Away Quotes

The fact that boys are allowed to exist at all is evidence of remarkable Christian forbearance among men - were it not for a mawkish humanitarianism, coupled with imperfect digestive powers, we should devour our young, as Nature intended.

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Immoral: Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral. If mans notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency; if they originated, or could have originated, in any other way; if actions have in themselves a moral character apart from and nowise dependent on, their consequences-then all philosophy is a lie and reason a disorder of the mind.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Running Quotes , Lying Quotes

ENOUGH, pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , World Quotes , You Like It Quotes