Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Profound Quotes

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

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MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

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A penny saved is a penny to squander.

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INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.

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REPLICA, n. A reproduction of a work of art, by the artist that made the original. It is so called to distinguish it from a "copy," which is made by another artist. When the two are mae with equal skill the replica is the more valuable, for it is suppose

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me, pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases, the dominative, the objectionable and the oppressive. Each is all three.

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Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

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Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

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Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, "the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur.".

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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

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Backbite: To ''speak of a man as you find him'' when he can't find you.

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REAR, n. In American military matters, that exposed part of the army that is nearest to Congress.

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You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.

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RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

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Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

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WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.

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Politeness, n: The most acceptable hypocrisy.

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DEGRADATION, n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.

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