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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- WEATHER, n. The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle.
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- Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.
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- LICKSPITTLE, n. A useful functionary, not infrequently found editing a newspaper . . . the lickspittle is only the blackmailer under another aspect, although the latter is frequently found as an independent species.
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- STORY, n. A narrative, commonly untrue. The truth of the stories here following has, however, not been successfully impeached.
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- OVATION, n. n ancient Rome, a definite, formal pageant in honor of one who had been disserviceable to the enemies of the nation. A lesser "triumph."
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- Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.
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- PERIPATETIC, adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle, who, while expounding it, moved from place to place in order to avoid his pupil's objections. A needless precaution - they knew no more of the matter than he.
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- RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.
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- IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage, to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound . . . . properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position.
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- PUSH, n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success, especially in politics. The other is Pull.
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- REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.
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- diplomacy, n.: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
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- Book - Learning : The dunce's derisive term for all knowledge that transcends his own impertinent ignorance.
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- R.I.P. A careless abbreviation of "requiescat in pace", attesting to indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge, however, the letters originally meant nothing more than "reductus in pulvis".
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- GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
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- PANTOMIME, n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.
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- DELUGE, n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.
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- In this world one must have a name; it prevents confusion, even when it does not establish identity. Some, though, are known by numbers, which also seem inadequate distinctions.
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- Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
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