Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Kings Quotes, America Quotes

KING, n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head," although he never wears a crown and has usually no head to speak of.

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PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.

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ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.

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WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

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REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

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Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

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PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

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FLAG, n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees and vacant lots in London

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HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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DELUSION, n. The father of a most respectable family, comprising Enthusiasm, Affection, Self-denial, Faith, Hope, Charity and many other goodly sons and daughters.

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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

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Youth looks forward, for nothing is behind! Age backward, for nothing is before.

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LAOCOON, n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

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DEPENDENT, adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

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Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

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FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs

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A popular writer writes about what people think. A wise writer offers them something to think about.

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PROJECTILE, n. The final arbiter in international disputes. With the growth of prudence in military affairs the projectile came more and more into favor, and is now held in high esteem by the most courageous.

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