Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

She dotes on poetry, sir. She adores it; I may say that her whole soul and mind are wound up, and entwined with it. She has produced some delightful pieces, herself, sir. You may have met with her 'Ode to an Expiring Frog,' sir.

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Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

6 years ago

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I don't even know what street Canada is on.

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Tags : Al Capone Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Canada Quotes

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

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Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I trust that age doth not wither nor custom stale my infinite variety.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Party Quotes

The less experienced a doctor is, the higher are his notions of professional dignity . . .

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A God who cannot smile, could not have created this humorous universe.

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Tags : Sri Aurobindo Quotes , God Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

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I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

When my cats aren't happy, I'm not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they're just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.

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Tags : Percy Bysshe Shelley Quotes , Happy Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He had never seen a woman doctor before, and his whole conservative soul rose up in revolt at the idea. He could not recall any biblical injunction that the man should remain ever the doctor and the woman the nurse, and yet he felt as if a blasphemy had been committed.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Biblical Quotes

If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Fun Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Brothers are a blessing for one thing. There is no possibility of any young lady getting unreasonably conceited if she be endowed with them.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Brother Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Mrs. Boffin, insisting that Bella should make tomorrow's expedition in the chariot, she went home in great grandeur. Mrs. Wilfer and Miss Lavinia had speculated much on the probabilities and improbabilities of her coming in this gorgeous state, and, on beholding the chariot from the window at which they were secreted to look out for it, agreed that it must be detained at the door as long as possible, for the mortification and confusion of the neighbours.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I'll tell you how I'd like to be remembered: As a black man who won the heavyweight title - Who has humorous and who never looked down on those who looked up to him - A man who stood for freedom, justice and equality - And I wouldn't even mind if folks forgot how pretty I was.

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Tags : Muhammad Ali Quotes , Freedom Quotes , Humorous Quotes