Mark Twain Quotes, Humorous Quotes, Stories Quotes

There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Stories Quotes

His neighbor is a tooth-drawer. That bag at his girdle is full of the teeth that he drew at Winchester fair. I warrant that there are more sound ones than sorry, for he is quick at his work and a trifle dim in the eye.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Here is the piece. If you can't say fornicate can you say copulate or if not that can you say co-habit? If not that would have to say consummate I suppose. Use your own good taste and judgment.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Show me a young Conservative and I'll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I'll show you someone with no brains.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Heart Quotes

He hadn’t a single redeeming vice.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Vices Quotes

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"It's an old habit of mine, Wal'r," said the Captain, "any time these fifty year. When you see Ned Cuttle bite his nails, Wal'r, then you may know that Ned Cuttle's aground."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . .

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I never resist temptation, because I have found that things that are bad for me do not tempt me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Business Quotes , Humorous Quotes

... As to sleep, you know, I never sleep now. I might be a Watchman, except that I don't get any pay, and he's got nothing on his mind.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris, the greatest expression of personal satisfaction known to man is the smirk on the face of a male, highly pleased with himself as he leaves the boudoir of a lady.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Honore De Balzac Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Let me see you ride a donkey over my green again, and as sure as you have a head upon your shoulders, I'll knock your bonnet off, and tread upon it!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Well, sir, let us do what we can to curtail this visit, which can hardly be agreeable to you, and is inexpressibly irksome to me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I do not hold that we should rearm in order to fight. I hold that we should rearm in order to parley.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It is no harm to be an ass, if one is content to bray and not kick.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes