Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

5 years ago

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A doctor's reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under his care.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle. It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.

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Tags : Rabindranath Tagore Quotes , Death Quotes , Humorous Quotes

But Rosa soon made the discovery that Miss Twinkleton didn't read fairly. She cut the love-scenes, interpolated passages in praise of female celibacy, and was guilty of other glaring pious frauds.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Vell," said Mr. Weller, "Now I s'pose he'll want to call some witnesses to speak to his character, or p'raps to prove a alleybi. I've been a turnin' the bis'ness over in my mind, and he may make his-self easy, Sammy. I've got some friends as'll do either for him, but my adwice 'ud be this here-never mind the character, and stick to the alleybi. Nothing like a alleybi, Sammy, nothing."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Beer Quotes

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There seems to me to be absolutely no limit to the inanity and credulity of the human race. Homo Sapiens! Homo idioticus!

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

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Tags : T. S. Eliot Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Drinking Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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An absence of antecedents and of relatives is sometimes an aid rather than an impediment to social advancement . . .

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Think! I've got enough to do, and little enough to get for it, without thinking.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

" ... It is not my desire to wound the feelings of any person with whom I am connected in family bonds. I may be a hypocrite," said Mr. Pecksniff, cuttingly, "but I am not a brute."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes