Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

...there isn't often anything in Wagner opera that one would call by such a violent name as acting.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I occasionally get birthday cards from fans. But it's often the same message: They hope it's my last.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Forman Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people's idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Business Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

"Oh!" said my aunt, "I was not aware at first to whom I had the pleasure of objecting."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It comes to pass oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have earned him.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Drinking Quotes

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"Ah, Miss, hope is an excellent thing for such as has the spirits to bear it!" said Mrs Wickam, shaking her head. "My own spirits is not equal to it, but I don't owe it any grudge. I envys them that is so blest!"

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have often been downcast, but never in despair; I regard our hiding as a dangerous adventure, romantic and interesting at the same time. In my diary I treat all the privations as amusing. I have made up my mind now to lead a different life from other girls and, later on, different from ordinary housewives. My start has been so very full of interest, and that is the sole reason why I have to laugh at the humorous side of the most dangerous moments.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Anne Frank Quotes , Girl Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Al Bernstein Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Knowledge Quotes

Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Niccolo Machiavelli Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Opportunity Quotes

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

For your popular rumour, unlike the rolling stone of the proverb, is one which gathers a deal of moss in its wanderings up and down.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A modest ring at the bell at length allayed her fears, and Miss Benton, hurrying into her own room and shutting herself up, in order that she might preserve that appearance of being taken by surprise which is so essential to the polite reception of visitors, awaited their coming with a smiling countenance.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs.

6 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes