Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

He appeared to enjoy beyond everything the sound of his own voice. I couldn't wonder at that, for it was mellow and full and gave great importance to every word he uttered. He listened to himself with obvious satisfaction and sometimes gently beat time to his own music with his head or rounded a sentence with his hand.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"I go so far as to say, miss, morehover," proceeded Mr. Cruncher, with a most alarming tendency to hold forth as from a pulpit-"and let my words be took down and took to Mrs. Cruncher through yourself-that wot my opinions respectin' flopping has undergone a change, and that wot I only hope with all my heart as Mrs. Cruncher may be a flopping at the present time."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

History is written by the victors.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The sky was of the deepest blue, with a few white, fleecy clouds drifting lazily across it, and the air was filled with the low drone of insects or with a sudden sharper note as bee or bluefly shot past with its quivering, long-drawn hum, like an insect tuning-fork.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

I have my own views about Nature's methods, though I feel that it is rather like a beetle giving his

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Nature Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.

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Tags : Alan Perlis Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Technology Quotes

To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A politician needs the ability to foretell what is going to happen tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year. And to have the ability afterwards to explain why it didn't happen.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Profound Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

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Tags : Abraham Kaplan Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Communication Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Always obey your parents - when they are present.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Doctors will have more lives to answer for in the next world than even we generals.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , War Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A joke is a very serious thing.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

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Tags : Winston Churchill Quotes , Life Quotes , Humorous Quotes

...it is not necessary to the child to awaken to the sense of the strange and humorous by giving a man a luminous nose...to the child it is sufficiently strange and humorous to have a nose at all.

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Tags : Gilbert K. Chesterton Quotes , Children Quotes , Humorous Quotes

My uncle, Mr. Stephen Maple, had been at the same time the most successful and the least respectable of our family, so that we hardly knew whether to take credit for his wealth or to feel ashamed of his position.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Uncles Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kindness Quotes , Humorous Quotes