Charles Dickens Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

In the majority of cases, conscience is an elastic and very flexible article

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!

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Any man may be in good spirits and good temper when he's well dressed. There ain't much credit in that.

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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.

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Tags : Alan Coren Quotes , Funny Inspirational Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Might I trouble you to open the window, for chloroform vapour does not help the palate.

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Tags : Arthur Conan Doyle Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Sarcasm Quotes

Man is but mortal: and there is a point beyond which human courage cannot extend. Mr. Pickwick gazed through his spectacles for an instant on the advancing mass, and then fairly turned his back and-we will not say fled; firstly, because it is an ignoble term, and, secondly, because Mr. Pickwick's figure was by no means adapted for that mode of retreat-he trotted away, at as quick a rate as his legs would convey him;.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

She say, Celie, tell the truth, have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show.

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Tags : Alice Walker Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

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Tags : Oscar Wilde Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Animal Quotes

The French complain of everything, and always.

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Tags : Napoleon Bonaparte Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I decided to stop drinking with creeps. I decided to drink only with friends. I've lost 30 pounds.

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Tags : Ernest Hemingway Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Drinking Quotes

Thou slave, thou wretch, thou coward! Thou little valiant, great in villainy! Thou ever strong upon the stronger side! Thou Fortune's champion, that dost never fight But where her humorous ladyship is by To teach thee safety.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Strong Quotes , Humorous Quotes

There is, in fact, no law or government at all; and it is wonderful how well things go on without them.

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Tags : Lord Byron Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

"The twins no longer derive their sustenance from Nature's founts - in short," said Mr. Micawber, in one of his bursts of confidence, "they are weaned..."

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I have made up my mind that I must have money, Pa. I feel that I can't beg it, borrow it, or steal it; and so I have resolved that I must marry it.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Talkers are no good doers.

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Tags : William Shakespeare Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Silence Quotes

... Waiter! raw beef-steak for the gentleman's eye,-nothing like raw beef-steak for a bruise, sir; cold lamp-post very good, but lamp-post inconvenient-damned odd standing in the open street half-an-hour, with your eye against a lamp.

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Tags : Charles Dickens Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

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Tags : A. P. Herbert Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Purpose Quotes

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day, no matter how rich you are.

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Tags : Adolphus Busch Quotes , Money Quotes , Humorous Quotes

I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.

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Tags : John Donne Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes