Hector Hugh Munro Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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His socks compelled one's attention without losing one's respect.

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The revenge of an elder sister may be long in coming, but, like a South-Eastern express, it arrives in its own good time.

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The censorious said she slept in a hammock and understood Yeats's poems, but her family denied both stories.

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Never be a pioneer. It's the early Christian that gets the fattest lion.

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A woman who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat that goes on playing with a mouse long after she's killed it.

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If he had unlimited money at his disposal, he might go into the wilds somewhere and shoot big game. I never know what the big game have done to deserve it, but they do help to deflect the destructive energies of some of our social misfits.

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I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

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But, good gracious, you've got to educate him first. You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

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I hate babies. They're so human.

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Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will grovel in abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic resistance.

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Oysters are more beautiful than any religion... There's nothing in Christianity or Buddhism that quite matches the sympathetic unselfishness of an oyster.

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Find yourself a cup; the teapot is behind you. Now tell me about hundreds of things.

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There are certain fixed rules that one observes for one's own comfort. For instance, never be flippantly rude to any inoffensive grey-bearded stranger that you may meet in pine forests or hotel smoking-rooms on the Continent. It always turns out to be the King of Sweden.

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The young have aspirations that never come to pass, the old have reminiscences of what never happened.

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A beautifully constructed borshch, such as you are going to experience presently, ought not only to banish conversation but almost to annihilate thought.

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I think oysters are more beautiful than any religion,' he resumed presently. 'They not only forgive our unkindness to them; they justify it, they incite us to go on being perfectly horrid to them. Once they arrive at the supper-table they seem to enter thoroughly into the spirit of the thing. There's nothing in Christianity or Buddhism that quite matches the sympathetic unselfishness of an oyster.

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People may say what they like about the decay of Christianity the religious system that produced green Chartreuse can never really die.

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You needn't tell me that a man who doesn't love oysters and asparagus and good wines has got a soul, or a stomach either. He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed.

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Sophie Chattel-Monkheim was a Socialist by conviction and a Chattel-Monkheim by marriage.

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