Hector Hugh Munro Quotes, Funny Quotes, Sarcastic Quotes

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

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There was something alike terrifying and piteous in the spectacle of these frail old morsels of humanity consecrating their last flickering energies to the task of making each other wretched. Hatred seemed to be the one faculty which had survived in undiminished vigor where all else was dropping into ordered and symmetrical decay.

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Children are given us to discourage our better emotions.

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Sophie Chattel-Monkheim was a Socialist by conviction and a Chattel-Monkheim by marriage.

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I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

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Oysters are more beautiful than any religion... There's nothing in Christianity or Buddhism that quite matches the sympathetic unselfishness of an oyster.

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In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse.

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The cat is domestic only as far as suits its own ends.

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A relative of mine ... spends his time producing improved breeds of sheep and pigs and chickens. So patronising and irritating to teh Almighty, I should think.

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Never be a pioneer. It's the early Christian that gets the fattest lion.

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To be among people who are smothered in furs when one hasn't any oneself makes one want to break most of the Commandments.

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I am not collecting copies of the cheaper editions of Omar Khayyám. I gave the last four that I received to the lift-boy, and I like to think of him reading them, with FitzGerald's notes, to his aged mother. Lift-boys always have aged mothers; shows such nice feeling on their part, I think.

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But, good gracious, you've got to educate him first. You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school.

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We all know that Prime Ministers are wedded to the truth, but like other wedded couples they sometimes live apart.

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He's simply got the instinct for being unhappy highly developed.

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A woman who takes her husband about with her everywhere is like a cat that goes on playing with a mouse long after she's killed it.

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No one can be an unbeliever nowadays. The Christian apologists have left one nothing to disbelieve.

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Why are women so fond of raking up the past? They're as bad as tailors, who invariably remember what you owe them for a suit long after you've ceased to wear it.

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Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses.

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I always say beauty is only sin deep.

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