George Bernard Shaw Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Giuseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

When people shake their heads because we are living in a restless age, ask them how they would like to life in a stationary one, and do without change

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All progress is due to the unreasonable person.

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Am reserving two tickets for you for my premiere. Come and bring a friend - if you have one. Telegram inviting Winston Churchill to opening night of Pygmalion. Churchill wired back: Impossible to be present for the first performance. Will attend the second - if there is one.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Friendship Quotes , Night Quotes

Treat a friend as a person who may someday become your enemy; an enemy as a person who may someday become your friend.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Loyalty Quotes , Enemy Quotes

I do not waste my time writing pot-boilers: the pot must be boiled, and even my pot au feu has some chunks of fresh meat in it. ...I have no time to boil myself down; and anyhow I could not do so and preserve all the necessary nutriment and the flavoring on which the digestibility depends.

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Some people look at the world and say 'why?' Some people look at the world and say 'why not?'

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The criminal law is no use to decent people.

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The most sincere form of love is love for food

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In a hospital they throw you out into the street before you are half cured, but in a nursing home they don't let you out till you are dead.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Home Quotes , Nursing Quotes

I feel nothing but the accursed happiness I have dreaded all my life long: the happiness that comes as life goes, the happiness of yielding and dreaming instead of resisting and doing, the sweetness of the fruit that is going rotten.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Happiness Quotes , Dream Quotes

I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Get Well Soon Quotes , Health Quotes

The body was the slave of the vortex; but the slave has become the master; and we must free ourselves from that tyranny. It is this stuff [ indicating her body ], this flesh and blood and bone and all the rest of it, that is intolerable. Even prehistoric man dreamed of what he called an astral body, and asked who would deliver him from the body of this death.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Men Quotes , Blood Quotes

The universal regard for money is the one hopeful fact in our civilization. Money is the most important thing in the world. It represents health, strength, honor, generosity and beauty . . . . Not the least of its virtues is that it destroys basic people as certainly as it fortifies and dignifies noble people.

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In literature the ambition of the novice is to acquire the literary language; the struggle of the adept is to get rid of it.

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Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out.

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It is in the hour of trial that a man finds his true profession.

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Must then a Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no imagination.

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That is what all poets do: they talk to themselves out loud; and the world overhears them. But it's horribly lonely not to hear someone else talk sometimes.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Lonely Quotes , Poetry Quotes

If 'Pygmalion' is not good enough for your friends with its own verbal music, their talent must be altogether extraordinary.

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Tags : George Bernard Shaw Quotes , Pygmalion Quotes , Not Good Enough Quotes