Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

5 years ago

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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Rain Quotes , Home Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Distance Quotes , Believe Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes , Nice Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

5 years ago

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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

5 years ago

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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

5 years ago

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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

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The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes