Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

5 years ago

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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

5 years ago

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As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

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I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

5 years ago

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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

5 years ago

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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.

5 years ago

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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

5 years ago

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You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

5 years ago

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I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

5 years ago

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

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I don't think it's fair - you get married, you give your wife a wedding ring. I think you should give her a mood ring. Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. 'Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain't getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Home Quotes , Cutting Quotes