Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren't.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Nice Quotes

I don't think I'll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women. You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you're on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don't let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, 'Well, why'd you put this spoon in this drawer then?' 'Just to p-s you off, that's why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Stupid Quotes

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Religious Quotes

The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

If you look at a group of people that had faith, it's got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, 'I don't think he knows where he's going.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes

My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Dad Quotes , Car Quotes

My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sex Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Jesus Quotes

I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes

The human body is in constant change the minute we're born. It's in a constant state of decay. We're all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Fall Quotes

I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date. There's no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie - just a quick sniff, 'Alright, let's go.'

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humor Quotes