Adam Ferrara Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humor Quotes

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

5 years ago

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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

5 years ago

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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

5 years ago

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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

5 years ago

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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

5 years ago

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If you're in California and it's raining, stay home, because nobody can drive in the rain. It's like it's raining frogs. They're terrified.

5 years ago

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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, 'Adam - uh, don't kiss guys.'

5 years ago

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The girls are beautiful in Hollywood - and enough silicon to caulk a sink.

5 years ago

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The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Years Quotes , Funny Marriage Quotes

I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Civilization Quotes

My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you - I hope she meets somebody nice.

5 years ago

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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night 'cause the boogie man's under my bed. My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, 'Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man's under the bed!' Pop opens one eye, he's like, 'Is the boogie man bigger than me?' 'Well, no Daddy, he's not.' 'Well, you got your choice: you can deal with the boogie man or you can deal with me.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Running Quotes

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don't know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

5 years ago

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Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

5 years ago

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I love my girlfriend, don't get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It's a gift.

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girlfriend Quotes

As soon as you lay down, that's when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. 'Goodnight, baby.' 'Do you think we were together in a past life?' 'Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.' 'Don't you feel like we're soul...'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Baby Quotes

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about food.

5 years ago

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I know she's just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing 'til you hear water.

5 years ago

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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

5 years ago

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Tags : Adam Ferrara Quotes , Funny Quotes , Girl Quotes