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Mark Twain Quotes
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Mark Twain Quotes 2407
- The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Age Quotes , Aging Quotes
- We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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- This is the year 1492. I am eighty-two years of age. The things I am going to tell you are things which I saw myself as a child and as a youth.
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- When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
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- Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
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- If work were so pleasant, the rich would keep it for themselves.
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- Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.
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- Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for certain that just ain't true." Thinking that you know the future.
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- Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
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- To write without pay until somebody offers pay. If nobody offers pay within three years, the candidate may look upon this circumstance with the most implicit confidence as the sign that sawing wood is what he was intended for.
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- Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.
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- English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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- Adam was the luckiest man in the world. He had no mother-in-law.
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- The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print
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- Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
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- When your watch gets out of order you have choice of two things to do: throw it in the fire or take it to the watch-tinker. The former is the quickest.
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- It's my opinion that every one I know has morals, though I wouldn't like to ask. I know I have. But I'd rather teach them than practice them any day. "Give them to others"-that's my motto.
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- Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
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- No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is.
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- Nature makes the locust with an appetite for crops; man would have made him with an appetite for sand
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