Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Business Quotes , Communication Quotes

I am as prompt as a clock, if I only know the day a thing is wantedotherwise I am a natural procrastinaturalist.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Natural Quotes , Clock Quotes

It liberates the vandal to travel-you never saw a bigoted, opinionated, stubborn, narrow-minded, self-conceited, almighty mean man in your life but he had stuck in one place since he was born and thought God made the world and dyspepsia and bile for his especial comfort and satisfaction.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes , Mean Quotes

It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes , Breaking Rules Quotes

A dream...I was trying to explain to St. Peter, and was doing it in the German tongue, because I didn't want to be too explicit.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Trying Quotes

I do not allow my schooling to interfere with my education

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Schooling Quotes

So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won't do in your essays. What you do today is important, because you are sacrificing a day of your life for it. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Tired Quotes , Sacrifice Quotes

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Congressman is the trivialist distinction for a full grown man.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Congress Quotes

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Friendship Quotes , Hurt Quotes

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Success Quotes

Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Lying Quotes

It's easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Easy Quotes

No sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a fearful thing it is.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Men Quotes

Every time you stop a school, you will have to build a jail.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Education Quotes , School Quotes

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Boys Quotes , Used Quotes

I purpose publishing these Letters here in the world before I return to you. Two editions. One, unedited, for Bible readers and their children; the other, expurgated, for persons of refinement

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Children Quotes

Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sleep Quotes , Men Quotes