Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Money Quotes

His money is twice tainted: taint yours and taint mine.

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Love is an irreresisistible desire to be irresistibily desired.

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We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.

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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

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Comedy keeps the heart sweet.

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We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press

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Our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India.

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Make your vacation your vocation.

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My axiom is, to succeed in business: avoid my example.

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Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Keeping Promises Quotes , World Quotes

I do not see how astronomers can help feeling exquisitely insignificant, for every new page of the Book of the Heavens they open reveals to them more and more that the world we are so proud of is to the universe of careening globes as is one mosquito to the winged and hoofed flocks and herds that darken the air and populate the plains and forests of all the earth. If you killed the mosquito would it be missed? Verily, What is Man, that he should be considered of God?

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The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve.

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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.

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There are only two types of speakers in the world. 1. The nervous and 2. Liars.

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I have done more for San Francisco than any of its old residents. Since I left there it has increased in population fully 300,000. I could have done more - I could have gone earlier - it was suggested.

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I do not like an injurious lie, except when it injures somebody else.

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The offspring of riches: Pride, vanity, ostentation, arrogance, tyranny

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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down; it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.

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It is the Creator´s Grand Army, and he is the Commander-in-Chief... With these facts before you, now try to guess man´s chiefest pet name for this ferocious Commander-in-Chief? I will save you the trouble but you must not laugh. It is Our Father in Heaven.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Army Quotes