Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Humorous Quotes

I have attended operas, whenever I could not help it, for fourteen years now; I am sure I know of no agony comparable to the listening to an unfamiliar opera.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Was it my conspicuousness that distressed me? Not at all. It was merely that I was not beautifully conspicuous but uglily conspicuous - it makes all the difference in the world.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Differences Quotes , World Quotes

Irrevence is another person's disrespect to your god; there isn't any word that tells what your disrespect to his god is.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Disrespect Quotes

Ah, if he could only die temporarily!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dies Quotes

Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Witty Quotes , Truth Quotes

Man is the only Patriot. He sets himself apart in his own country, under his own flag, and sneers at the other nations, and keeps multitudinous uniformed assassins on hand at heavy expense to grab slices of other people's countries, and keep them from grabbing slices of his. And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man - with his mouth.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Patriotic Quotes

I reverently believe that the Maker who made us all makes everything in New England but the weather. I don't know who makes that, but I think it must be raw apprentices in the weather clerk's factory who experiment and learn how, in New England, for board and clothes, and then are promoted to make weather for countries that require a good article, and will take their custom elsewhere if they don't get it...

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Believe Quotes

I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , German Language Quotes

I could forgive the boy, now, if he'd committed a million sins!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Forgiveness Quotes , Boys Quotes

When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Kings Quotes , Teaching Quotes

Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Book Quotes , Thinking Quotes

Children have but little charity for one another's defects

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , Charity Quotes

I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

You have noticed that the human being is a curiosity. In times past he has had (and worn out and flung away) hundreds and hundreds of religions; today he has hundreds and hundreds of religions, and launches not fewer than three new ones every year. I could enlarge on that number and still be within the facts.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Years Quotes

The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing, it is the thing to watch over and care for and be loyal to; institutions are extraneous. . . .

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Real Quotes

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes

Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Educational Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Looks Quotes , Mouths Quotes

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Life Quotes

A Christian's first duty is to God. It then follows, as a matter of course, that it is his duty to carry his Christian code to the polls and vote them... If Christians should vote their duty to God at the polls, they would carry every election, and do it with ease... it would bring about a moral revolution that would be incalculably beneficent. It would save the country.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Christian Quotes , Country Quotes