Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Lonely Quotes

If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lonely Quotes

The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Optimistic Quotes , Race Quotes

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

What's your name?" "Becky Thatcher. What's yours? Oh, I know. It's Thomas Sawyer." "That's the name they lick me by. I'm Tom when I'm good. You call me Tom, will you?" "Yes

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Names Quotes , Becky Quotes

A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Pessimist Quotes , Optimist Quotes

When in doubt, tell the truth. That maxim I did invent, but never expected it to be applied to me. I did say, "When you are in doubt," but when I am in doubt myself I use more sagacity.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Doubt Quotes

If I had been helping the Almighty when he created man, I would have had him begin at the other end, and start human beings with old age. How much better to start old and have all the bitterness and blindness of age in the beginning!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Age Quotes

We can't reach old age by another man's road.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Birthday Quotes , Men Quotes

I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Angel Quotes , Happened Quotes

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Analyzing Quotes , Frogs Quotes

Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Health Quotes , Imagination Quotes

Once I talked to the inmates of an insane asylum in Hartford. I have talked to idiots a thousand times, but only once to the insane.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Insanity Quotes , Crazy People Quotes

... the English alphabet is pure insanity..., It can hardly spell any word in the language with any degree of certainty.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Insanity Quotes , Degrees Quotes

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Relationship Quotes , Men Quotes

When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Failure Quotes , Fall Quotes

Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Giving Quotes , Talent Quotes

Thou shalt not commit adultry is a command which makes no distinction between the following persons. They are all required to obey it: children at birth. Children in the cradle. School children. Youths and maidens. Fresh adults. Older ones. Men and women of 40. Of 50. Of 60. Of 70. Of 80. Of 100. The command does not distribute its burden equally, and cannot. It is not hard upon the three sets of children.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Children Quotes , School Quotes

One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wine Quotes , Bottles Quotes

We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance, and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Struggle Quotes , Training Quotes

If there is a God, he is a malign thug.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Thug Quotes