Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Father Quotes

The average American may not know who his grandfather was. But the American was, however, one degree better off than the average Frenchman who, as a rule, was in considerable doubt as to who his father was.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Father Quotes

The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Biblical Quotes , Discovery Quotes

The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cat Quotes , Hot Quotes

I fell in love with the most cordial and sociable city in the Union.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Cities Quotes , San Francisco Quotes

Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Race Quotes

A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain.

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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Hilarious Quotes

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Fashion Quotes

I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Given Quotes

Ah, if he could only die temporarily!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dies Quotes

Morals are not the important thing-nor enlightenment-nor civilization. A man can do absolutely well without them, but he can't do without something to eat. The supremest thing is the need of the body, not of the mind and spirit.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Civilization Quotes

Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Confusing Quotes

You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Drinking Quotes , Wine Quotes

Who are we to create a heaven and hell for ourselves, excluding animals and plants in the bargain, just because we have the power to rationalize?

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Heaven Quotes

A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Doctors Quotes

You see, he knew his own laws just as other people so often know the laws: by words, not by effects. They take a meaning, and get to be very vivid, when you come to apply them to yourself.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , People Quotes

When red-headed people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

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There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Motivational Sports Quotes

The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Self Esteem Quotes , Self Respect Quotes