Mark Twain Quotes, Coffee Quotes, Wine Quotes

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Coffee Quotes , Wine Quotes

I hate editors, for they make me abandon a lot of perfectly good English words.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hate Quotes , Perfectly Good Quotes

The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Horse Quotes , Laughing Quotes

The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, "Where is the best place to go to?" He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

I believe I have had the most trouble with a portrait which I painted in installments - the head on one canvas and the bust on another.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Portraits Quotes

First catch your Boer, then kick him.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Boers Quotes , Firsts Quotes

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Strength Quotes

it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wise Quotes , Fire Quotes

Strip the human race, absolutely naked, and it would be a real democracy. But the introduction of even a rag of tiger skin, or a cowtail, could make a badge of distinction and be the beginning of a monarchy.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Real Quotes , Race Quotes

That reminds me to remark, in passing, that the very first official thing I did, in my administration-and it was on the first day of it, too-was to start a patent office; for I knew that a country without a patent office and good patent laws was just a crab, and couldn't travel any way but sideways or backways.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Science Quotes

A journalist is a reporter out of a job.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Journalist Quotes

If the bubble reputation can be obtained only at the cannon's mouth, I am willing to go there for it, provided the cannon is empty.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mouths Quotes , Reputation Quotes

Many people have the reasoning facility, but no one uses it in religious matters.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Fear Quotes

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Parenting Quotes , Parent Quotes

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Memories Quotes , Giving Quotes

What a lumbering poor vehicle prose is for the conveying of a great thought! ... Prose wanders around with a lantern & laboriously schedules & verifies the details & particulars of a valley & its frame of crags & peaks, then Poetry comes, & lays bare the whole landscape with a single splendid flash.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Schedules Quotes , Crafts Quotes

Wine is a clog to the pen, not an inspiration.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspiration Quotes , Wine Quotes

To do good is noble. To tell others to do good is even nobler and much less trouble.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Noble Quotes

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Sports Quotes

Now he found out a new thing--namely, that to promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing.

5 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Keeping Promises Quotes , World Quotes