Mark Twain Quotes, Mean Quotes, Sleep Quotes

Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Sleep Quotes

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Humorous Quotes

Never be haughty to the humble, never be humble to the haughty.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Humble Quotes

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Liars Quotes , Lying Quotes

Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Together Quotes , Legends Quotes

There is nothing in the world like persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Oratory Quotes , World Quotes

Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Religious Quotes , Brother Quotes

Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jewels Quotes , Young Quotes

Inherited ideas are a curious thing, and interesting to observe and examine.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Ideas Quotes , Interesting Quotes

There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Miracle Quotes , Awe Inspiring Quotes

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bible Quotes , Girl Quotes

Each person is born to one possession which outvalues all his others-his last breath.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Lasts Quotes

Prediction is difficult- particularly when it involves the future.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Vision Quotes , Predictions Quotes

It was the most earnest ambition I ever had....Not that I ever really wanted to be a preacher, but because it never occurred to me that a preacher could be damned. It looked like a safe job.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Jobs Quotes , Ambition Quotes

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Witty Quotes

What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can; honestly if we must.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Way Quotes

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Fashion Quotes

I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , San Francisco Quotes

You can't throw too much style into a miracle.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Miracle Quotes , Style Quotes

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it.

6 years ago

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humorous Quotes , Crafts Quotes