Mark Twain Quotes, Funny Quotes, Life Quotes

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes

America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Home Quotes , America Quotes

I bring you this stately matron named Christendom, returning bedraggled, besmirched, and dishonored from pirate raids in Kiao-Chow, Manchuria, South Africa, and the Phillipines, with her soul full of meanness, her pocket full of boodle, and her mouth full of pious hypocrisies. Give her soap and a towel, but hide the looking-glass.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Glasses Quotes , Hypocrisy Quotes

Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can't sleep anyhow.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Mean Quotes , Sleep Quotes

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Good Life Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Monarchies, aristocracies, and religions....there was never a country where the majority of the people were in their secret hearts loyal to any of these institutions.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Heart Quotes

Don't use a five-dollar word when a fifty-cent word will do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dollars Quotes , Use Quotes

I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Able Quotes , Enough Quotes

The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Character Quotes

None of us can have as many virtues as the fountain-pen, or half its cussedness; but we can try.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Trying Quotes , Half Quotes

What is human life? The first third a good time; the rest remembering about it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Past Quotes , Firsts Quotes

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; ... I should be sorry to have that voice fall silent and pass out of my life.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sorry Quotes , Fall Quotes

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Change Quotes , Loyalty Quotes

I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning-knowing well that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Morning Quotes , Prayer Quotes

Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Alive Quotes

War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , War Quotes , Moon Quotes

When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Miles Quotes

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Thinking Quotes

We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Freedom Quotes , Heart Quotes

The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Art Quotes , Fire Quotes