Mark Twain Quotes, Time Quotes, Men Quotes

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Men Quotes

I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Men Quotes , Two Quotes

A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Lame Quotes , Trials Quotes

When angry, count to a hundred.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Hundred Quotes

Moralists and philosophers have adjudged those who throw temptation in the way of the erring, equally guilty with those who are thereby led into evil

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Evil Quotes , Temptation Quotes

Senator: Person who makes laws in Washington when not doing time.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , Persons Quotes

It has been reported that I was seriously ill--it was another man; dying--it was another man; dead--the other man again...As far as I can see, nothing remains to be reported, except that I have become a foreigner. When you hear it, don't you believe it. And don't take the trouble to deny it. Merely just raise the American flag on our house in Hartford and let it talk.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Death Quotes , Believe Quotes

I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache; and what is more, I never intend to have it.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Drinking Quotes , Night Quotes

The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Biblical Quotes , Discovery Quotes

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Time Quotes , Writing Quotes

We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , God Quotes , Healthy Quotes

That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Optimistic Quotes , Play Quotes

Always tell the truth; then you don't have to remember anything

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Inspiration Quotes

Thanksgiving day. Let us all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks now, but the turkeys.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Humble Quotes , Turkeys Quotes

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Lying Quotes

How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Regret Quotes , Editors Quotes

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Drinking Quotes , Wine Quotes

One of life's most over-valued pleasures is sexual intercourse; of one of life's least appreciated pleasures in defecation.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Appreciated Quotes

If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Country Quotes , Law Quotes

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

5 years ago

Message Copied

Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Life Quotes