Mark Twain Quotes, Love Quotes, Funny Quotes

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Love Quotes , Funny Quotes

But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Truth Quotes , Believe Quotes

It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so.""

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Faith Quotes , Atheist Quotes

The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Life Quotes , Vaccines Quotes

Life is short. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly and love truly.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Is Short Quotes , Kissing Quotes

If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Writing Quotes , Play Quotes

Narrative should flow as flows the brook down through the hills and the leafy woodlands...a brook that never goes straight for a minute, but goes and goes briskly, sometimes ungrammatically, and sometimes fetching a horseshoe of ¾ of a mile around and at the end of the circuit flowing within a yard of the path that it traversed an hour before; but always going and always following at least one law, always loyal to that law, the law of narrative, which has no law. Nothing to do but make the trip; the how of it is not important, so that the trip is made.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Law Quotes , Important Quotes

There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Dream Quotes , Lonely Quotes

Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Atheist Quotes , Believe Quotes

Do something everyday that you don't want to do.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Everyday Quotes , Want Quotes

The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Church Choir Quotes , Atheism Quotes

To go abroad has something of the same sense that death brings. I am no longer of ye-what ye say of me is now of no consequence.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Travel Quotes

I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Angel Quotes , Happened Quotes

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Patriotic Quotes , Fighting Quotes

What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Change Quotes , Men Quotes

If you should rear a duck in the heart of the Sahara, no doubt it would swim if you brought it to the Nile.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Heart Quotes , Swimming Quotes

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Funny Quotes , Humorous Quotes

The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Two Quotes , People Quotes

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Funny Quotes

Simple rules for saving money: To save half, when you are fired by an eager impulse to contribute to a charity, wait and count to forty. To save three quarters, count sixty. To save all, count sixty-five.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Simple Quotes , Waiting Quotes