Mark Twain Quotes, Thinking Quotes, Water Quotes

When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Thinking Quotes , Water Quotes

It now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one...the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Animal Quotes , Men Quotes

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Father Quotes , Men Quotes

I will now claim - until dispossesed - that I was the first person in the world to apply the typewriter to literature. ... The early machine was full of caprices, full of defects- devilish ones. It had as many immoralities as the machine of today has virtues. After a year or two I found that it was degrading my character, so I thought I would give it to Howells. ... He took it home to Boston, and my morals began to improve, but his have never recovered.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Character Quotes , Home Quotes

Protestant parents still keep a Bible handy in the house, so that the children can study it, and one of the first things the little boys and girls learn is to be righteous and holy and not piss against the wall. They study those passages more than they study any others, except those which incite to masturbation. Those they hunt out and study in private.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Bible Quotes , Girl Quotes

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Life Quotes , Death Quotes

Every man is wholly honest to himself and to God, but not to any one else.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Men Quotes

If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out; and I don't know but more so.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Discovery Quotes , Interesting Quotes

If I had more time, I would have written less.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , More Time Quotes , Written Quotes

Start it at no particular time of your life; wander at your free will all over your life; talk only about the thing which interests you for the moment; drop it the moment its interest threatens to pale.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Over You Quotes , Free Will Quotes

The timid man yearns for full value and demands a tenth. The bold man strikes for double value and compromises on par.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Business Quotes , Men Quotes

So avoid using the word 'very' because it's lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don't use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys - to woo women - and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won't do in your essays. What you do today is important, because you are sacrificing a day of your life for it. Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Tired Quotes , Sacrifice Quotes

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambition.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Inspirational Quotes , Motivational Quotes

Baseball is the very symbol, the outward and visible expression of the drive and push and rush and struggle of the raging, tearing, booming nineteenth century.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Baseball Quotes , Struggle Quotes

My land, the power of training! Of influence! Of education! It can bring a body up to believe anything.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Believe Quotes , Land Quotes

They did not know it was impossible so they did it

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Attitude Quotes , Law Of Attraction Quotes

The jury system puts a ban upon intelligence and honesty and a premium upon ignorance, stupidity and perjury.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Honesty Quotes , Ignorance Quotes

Of the demonstrably wise there are but two: those who commit suicide, & those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied with drink.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Wise Quotes , Suicide Quotes

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Respectful Quotes , Be Respectful Quotes

He was a solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity.

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Tags : Mark Twain Quotes , Sarcastic Quotes , Waiting Quotes