Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Horse Quotes, Cat Quotes

FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

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TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

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Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

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HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

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MESMERISM, n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes, kept a carriage and asked Incredulity to dinner.

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Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

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SCARABAEUS, n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians, allied to our familiar "tumble-bug." It was supposed to symbolize immortality, the fact that God knew why giving it its peculiar sanctity. Its habit of incubating its eggs in a ball of ordure may also have commended it to the favor of the priesthood, and may some day assure it an equal reverence among ourselves. True, the American beetle is an inferior beetle, but the American priest is an inferior priest.

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Fashion, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

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Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due.

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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

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EXILE, n. One who serves his country by residing abroad, yet is not an ambassador.

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Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

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MUMMY, n. - an ancient Egyptian handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals.

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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

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INADMISSIBLE- Not competent to be considered. Hearsay evidence is inadmissible ... but there is no religion in the world that has any other basis than hearsay evidence.

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The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.

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A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the "buffone", or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of the play.

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Advice: The suggestions you give someone else which you hope will work for your benefit.

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Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man. The pig is taught by sermons and epistles / To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

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Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

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