Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Horse Quotes, Animal Quotes

GNU, n. An animal of South Africa, which in its domesticated state resembles a horse, a buffalo and a stag. In its wild condition it is something like a thunderbolt, an earthquake and a cyclone.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Horse Quotes , Animal Quotes

Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.

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Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

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MAGNITUDE, n. Size [that is] purely relative. If everything in the universe were increased 1,000 diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Would Be Quotes , Size Quotes

As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value.

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CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

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A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its successive parts are successively effaced, as in the pa

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BATH, n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship, with what spiritual efficacy has not been determined.

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The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.

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art, n. This word has no definition.

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There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

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MUGWUMP, n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.

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I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

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Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

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Abnormal, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.

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NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

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If you want to read a perfect book there is only one way: write it.

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Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

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IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.

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FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Liars Quotes , Lying Quotes