Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Intelligent Quotes, Numbers Quotes

DECALOGUE, n. A series of commandments, ten in number - just enough to permit an intelligent selection for observance, but not enough to embarrass the choice.

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IMAGINATION, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.

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MISCREANT, n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically, the word means unbeliever, and its present signification may be regarded as theology's noblest contribution to the development of our language.

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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

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BLANK-VERSE, n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters - the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind, therefore, much affected by those who cannot acceptably write any kind.

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PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

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ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the hope of Hell.

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Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

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There are four kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.

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It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when thrust into the affairs of others from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell.

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DIAGNOSIS, n. A physician's forecast of disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

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Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.

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Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

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If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.

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A penny saved is a penny to squander.

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WOMAN, n. An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication.

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Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

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EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

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