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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.
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- FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.
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- Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
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- IMBECILITY, n. A kind of divine inspiration, or sacred fire affecting censorious critics of this dictionary.
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- Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
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- An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.
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- Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
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- RADICALISM, n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.
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- A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors - to dislodge the worms.
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- At war with savages and idiots. To be a Frenchman abroad is to be miserable; to be an American abroad is to make others miserable.
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- Men who expect universal peace through invention of destructive weapons of war are no wiser than one who, noting the improvement of agricultural implements, should prophesy an end to the tilling of the soil.
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- COMFORT, n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.
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- FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.
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- Die: To stop sinning suddenly.
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- MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.
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- PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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- VITUPERATION, n. Saite, as understood by dunces and all such as suffer from an impediment in their wit.
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- NOVEL, n. A short story padded.
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- JESTER, n. An officer attached to the king's household to amuse the court by ludicrous actions and utterances . . . the king's own conduct and decrees [being] sufficiently ridiculous for the amusement not only of his court but of all mankind.
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- WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.
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