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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- PLAGUE, n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler, as in the familiar instance of Pharaoh the Immune. The plague today . . . is merely Nature's fortuitous manifestation of her purposeless objectionableness.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Time Quotes , Nature Quotes
- HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
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- He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity.
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- recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom. The flabby wine-skin of his brain Yields to some pathologic strain, And voids from its unstored abysm The driblet of an aphorism. "The Mad Philosopher," 1697
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wine Quotes , Yield Quotes
- MIND, n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavour to ascertain its own nature, the futility of the attempt being due to the fact that it has nothing but itself to know itself with.
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- LUMINARY, One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.
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- MAMMON, n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.
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- OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.
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- UXORIOUSNESS, n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.
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- Forgetfulness - a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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- Children who have proven themselves to be incorrigible by the age of twelve should be quickly and quietly beheaded, lest they grow to maturity, marry, and perpetuate the likeness of their being.
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- Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.
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- critic, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.
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- ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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- The sum of religion, says Pythagoras, is to be like him thou worshipest. Had Pythagoras lived in our day he would have seen his mistake. The sum of modern religion is to make him thou worshipest like unto thyself.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Mistake Quotes , Modern Quotes
- HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.
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- Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.
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- Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.
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- The money-getter who pleads his love of work has a lame defense, for love of work at money-getting is a lower taste than love of money.
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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Defense Quotes , Lame Quotes