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Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Ambrose Bierce Quotes 976
- Coward: One who, in a perilous emergency, thinks with his legs.
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- TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.
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- Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.
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- OBLIVION, n. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.
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- CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.
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- PORTUGUESE, n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible, even when stuffed with garlic.
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- HOMŒOPATHIST, n. The humorist of the medical profession.
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- Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.
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- APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
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- For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His enemies have only to find it.
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- Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.
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- OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe . . . . The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly.
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- The god of the world's leading religion.
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- pleasure, n. The least hateful form of dejection.
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- ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."
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- PALACE, n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.
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- PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.
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- Alligator: The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of the effete monarchies of the Old World.
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- OUT-OF-DOORS, n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.
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- Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.
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