Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Life Quotes, Truth Quotes

RACK, n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy, and is now held in light popular esteem.

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Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.

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BEG, v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Belief Quotes , Given Quotes

He who thinks with difficulty believes with alacrity. A fool is a natural proselyte, but he must be caught young, for his convictions, unlike those of the wise, harden with age.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wise Quotes , Believe Quotes

REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

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Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

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Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

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I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Fear Quotes , Heart Quotes

PLAGIARIZE, v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never, never read.

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Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Hunger Quotes , Instinct Quotes

Feast, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.

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Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

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UNDERSTANDING, n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke, who rode a house, and Kant, who lived in a horse.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Nature Quotes

Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

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SATIETY, n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents, madam.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Cooking Quotes

HOG, n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews, the hog is not in favor as an article of diet, but is respected for the delicacy and the melody of its voice. It is chiefly as a songster that the fowl is esteemed; the cage of him in full chorus has been known to draw tears from two persons at once. The scientific name of this dicky-bird is _Porcus Rockefelleri_. Mr. Rockefeller did not discover the hog, but it is considered his by right of resemblance.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Names Quotes , Two Quotes

adherent, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Leadership Quotes

Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Science Quotes

CALAMITY, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Life Quotes , Two Quotes