Ambrose Bierce Quotes, Patriotic Quotes, Names Quotes

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

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History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

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Even the laws of justice themselves cannot subsist without mixture of injustice.

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The wife, or bitter half.

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Consul - in American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country.

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DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.

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The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

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Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

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PLEONASM, n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

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Peace in international affairs: a period of cheating between periods of fighting

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resolute, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

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I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

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Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Crazy Quotes , Pride Quotes

PIG, n. An animal ("Porcus omnivorus") closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it sticks at pig.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Food Quotes , Animal Quotes

MAGNETISM, n. Something acting upon a magnet. The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge.

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Philosophy: A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

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Revolution, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.

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An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

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There would be far fewer accidents if we could only teach telephone poles to be more careful.

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Good-bye -- if you hear of my being stood up against a stone wall and shot to rags please know that I think that a pretty good way to depart this life. It beats old age, disease or falling down the cellar stairs.

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Tags : Ambrose Bierce Quotes , Wall Quotes , Fall Quotes